what is today

I keep being lost in an illusion that if I were to do things the way that they have been then eventually he will remember why he married me in the first place. He says that it was a mistake and that he never should have married me. He brings up what do we have in common and what is there that we ever really should have been together. One thing that I have always done when I didnt know what else to do was clean the house. I osscilate from one moment just wanting everything to be ok to the next moment wanting to be out already so that I can heal.

I picked up the girls today and as soon as they were in the car all I wanted to do was crawl in bed with them, hold them and cry. They are my strength and I dont know that they will ever know how much they do for me just by being them. I honestly can say that I dont know what I would be doing right now if I didnt have them. I dont know if I would be the strong person that I can at least pretend to be if they werent depending on me every day. I hope one day I am able to tell them exactly what they really mean to me....and I hope that they believe me.