He got the last of his stuff today...at least the last as far as I know. He gave me the separation papers signed. I have to run them by my lawyer then I am going to file them with the court. He is supposed to be getting my pictures off of his computer so that I dont lose 3 years worth of pictures just because I was nice and let him keep the computer I bought.

He went out of his way to be cold and harsh towards me when he came to get his things today and that really bothered me. I havent done anything intentionally mean to him in all this. This has all been what he wanted and I have worked to make sure it happens LIKE HE WANTED. So why am I the one acting like an adult and making sure that things get taken care of? I should be the one being mean and harsh because I am the one that got hurt in all this. I am not the one that had a girlfriend before I moved out of the house. I am not the one that made the choice. I am the one who was caught completely blindsided a month and a half ago. I am the one who knows I am not ready to think about dating someone else right now.

My children dont ask about him and I dont know if that is because they dont miss him (which I doubt) or because they think it hurts me (this is more likely). I kind of wish that they would talk to me about what they are thinking because at least then I wouldnt feel so alone in all this. Dont get me wrong...Im not along I have great friends. My family is as supportive as they can be for where they are located, but the nights alone at the house are still hard.

I am not supposed to be spending my nights alone. I am supposed to be going to Casey's post-op appointment to see how things are functioning. I am supposed to be gearing up to TTC again. I am supposed to be planning a summer with my husband.

I think these things and then stuff like today happens or every day that he doesnt make an effort to even be in his step-daughters' lives and I am reminded that on March 30 he did me a favor. He gave me my life back that day. He took me out from under his cloud and and the cloak I have been under for most of 3 years and showed me life again. He has done more for me by demanding this divorce than he did for me while we were together and for that I thank him...and will continue to thank him for the rest of my life.